New Self

Posted on May 25, 2014


I don’t know if it is the weather, or a lucky combination of circumstances, but I have been propelled into a new lifestyle that is so different from where I was at in the beginning of the year.

It started with a sudden change from being sloppy to organized. It took some work, but mostly the change felt like it happened on its own. I didn’t feel like washing the dishes or cleaning my room were tasks anymore, just part of my routine.
Then I decided to stop watching TV and get out of the apartment more. After making the decision I went ot hang out with my sister and a friend from the commune (which I’ve moved out of, btw).

They were getting on my case- I had moved out of the Christian commune because I wasn’t allowed to date, and I hadn’t even gone on one date in 6 months. We had a mutual gay friend who had also moved out of the commune, and he had 3 dates in the month or so that he visited Columbus.

The girls took over my OkCupid and Grindr (got that last week) and found me some potential dates. A couple fell through, but I managed to make it to one. It was with a guy that I was not very excited about, but the girls said, “That is good, it means there will be less pressure, this being your first date. If you don’t like him, it won’t be as disappointing if it goes bad.”

And it went very badly.

This guy called me a half hour before our date and made a joke about getting naked in the bathroom. But I couldn’t tell it was a joke. Once we met up we actually had some good conversation- religion, politics, education, occupation- stuff that I enjoy. However, it was awkwardly interspersed with oddly aggressive sexual advances on his part, all passed off as jokes when rejected. I managed to ignore the awkwardness to get through the date, but decided that even friendship with this particular guy was not in the cards.

I’ve been very upfront with guys since then- I want friends. If one of those friendships happen to turn into something more, that would be great. However, if they don’t, I still have some friends. If I approach every guy on grindr and okcupid with the idea of finding a boyfriend, it will just be a bunch of dates, some ok, some not, and I wouldn’t gain anything along the way.

Anyway, that’s what’s happening in my life now. I’m supposed to hang out with two new guys today, but we’ll see what happens.

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