Beliefs that conspire against relationship

Posted on May 31, 2012


This week I was informed that my commune was going to be discussing homosexuality at our weekly meeting. My dear friend and housemate, who is a gay Christian also, had recently written a coming out letter which he emailed to me, our house leader, as well as a lot of his spiritual community. The house leader responded in a short message that made us both uncomfortable, and me question whether or not we were going to continue to be welcome here.

I was a little taken aback, as I had been very open with much of the commune about my spiritual journey- as open as I have been on this blog and more so. The change of theological positions (from Side B to Side A) happened very quickly for me. My roommate was on a longer journey. So what surprised me was that I had met no real resistance to my spiritual path, and it seemed like the moment he made a definitive decision, he was sort of brought up short.

I don’t want anyone to think bad of my house leader or community, so I will give a spoiler: the meeting went pretty well.

Our housemates feel like they don’t want us to date because they want to be able to affirm us in our relationships. I didn’t understand this because I definitely don’t involve myself in their relationships. I suppose that it isn’t a one way street, but I could just say that my relationship isn’t really their business. However, as an accommodating person who doesn’t even have a potential date, I find it easier to comply.

Basically, our housemates tried their hardest to convey their love and appreciation for us, to the extent that they could as Side B folk. I think my roommate felt it somewhat, but we are in slightly different places. I think that he has an accurate view of who we LGBT Christians are. We are a minority, we did grow up being abused and abusing ourselves emotionally and spiritually. It might not be the best for us to be in an environment where we don’t have anyone but each other to affirm us as whole beings- gay and Christian.

My roommate is moving out, and we will all miss him terribly, but me most of all. Him and I have had some serious misunderstandings and difficulties, but he is the person who is the most like me- gay with a Mennonite upbringing, and we were almost twins, coming out to each other in college, and then coming to this commune (not together, but here at the same time nonetheless). Even more astonishing is that we both ended up moving to a place of accepting ourselves, seperately, at the same time.

I’m going to miss the conversations we have had, though hopefully that continue through facebook. I know we’ll see each other from time to time, though it will be different since I am so busy with school and work and we won’t be living in the same house.

The conversation isn’t finished. A bunch of my housemates didn’t make it to the meeting, and some that were there felt like we didn’t really get to a good place for them. I am going to be printing off my coming out letter, and Justin Lee (Gay Christian Network)’s Side A argument for the sanctity of same-sex relationships. I told them that I would leave it sitting on our coffee table for their perusal. Should be interesting…

Posted in: Coming Out