Spring Break and the adventures therein

Posted on April 1, 2012

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I felt a little scared driving through West Virginia and Virginia. Honestly, the twang of their accent reads “homophobic” to me (plus their crazy new laws on adoption were scary too). I stopped at a gas station and the attendant was a weathered lady with a cross necklace.

I remember when we were little, my siblings and I, would be really excited to see someone wearing a cross on TV. To us it meant they were Christian, that there was one of “us” on TV. Represent!

Now I saw that cross and I was tempted to say, “Hey nice cross. I’m a Christian too.” Wait for the smile, the shared connection, then, “And I’m gay.”

As I drove away from the gas station I imagined her reaction: would she have refused me service? I had already pumped my car full of gas, and wouldn’t trust her to not call the cops after refusing my money. I decided I would’ve used the little ATM to get some cash and leave more than enough sitting on the counter as I stalked out.

The reason I went to Virginia, in spite of these feelings, was because my only supportive aunt lives there. I spent the week with her, two cousins who are teaching there, and some LG/B relatives.

I picked my aunt up from the airport in Washington, D.C. around 5:30, and we drove partway back to her house before stopping for supper. I assumed we would just eat and then talk on the road, but as we talked, I realized the minutes, the hours, were flying by and my food was still there.

I talked some about my childhood, spent deep in books, afriad of being outed. As a writer, I appreciate those years. They gave me a story, they formed who I am.

My aunt got choked up when she said she wished she could’ve told me that I was ok the way I was- I didn’t find out until 5 months ago that she was supportive. It probably wouldn’t have made a difference though. I grew up with intense, internalized, biblical homophobia, and would maybe have thought less of her as a Christian for her kindness.

Another meeting I has that week was with her cousin, a gay/bi man in a mixed orientation marriage. He is happily married, and has no plans to change his status. He hinted that maybe, if he had been born and grown up in a later time, he might have done things differently. Yet, when I left he gave me some books to read that look very X-gay. I plan to read them, if only so we can discuss them when next we meet.

I also met with my dad’s cousin (I think I previously called her M) and her wife/partner. We talked aboug my other meeting, some political stuff, and my impending coming out to my grandmother and the rest of my extended family. This is the next step to coming out fully.

When I got home from spring break, I went to a couple Gay Christian Network meetings in Canton, OH so I hope to write a post about that soon.

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Posted in: Coming Out