When did you decide to be a hetero?

Posted on March 14, 2012


Well I’ve had a post-worthy week. My sister and brother-in-law dropped by for a few days of their spring break, en route to a wedding. My sister dropped a bombshell on me when she revealed that she is now affirming me. It has been really hard for me to contemplate the split that is coming with so many beloved family members as I plan to come out. I knew that my sister wasn’t going to write me off like some of my cousins might, but I also felt like things might be awkward for us. I’ve discussed gay rights stuff with her before, but I tend to go a bit overboard on my “accepting” friends and they feel pressured.

I let her read this blog, which was a little awkward. I hated describing her as my “fag hag”- the term sounds insulting, but I feel like our relationship was greatly influenced by my sexuality in ways that sort of mirror that gay man/straight girl relationship. Part of the reason that I have only given my url out to her and about two friends is that it allows me to write without worrying about who will be offended. I think even after I come out I’ll probably keep writing anonymously about my journey.

Part of what opened my sister’s mind was a ironic questionaire that she got in her Mennonite college social work class. I found a copy on a gay Christian blog I follow.


Here are a few of the questions:

1. What do you think caused your heterosexuality?

2. When and how did you first decide you were a heterosexual?

3. Is it possible your heterosexuality is just a phase you may grow out of?


In other news, I had a sudden realization. At the same family reunion where I found out I was gay (and that my mom’s family would not sit at a dinner table with me if they knew) one of my cousins on that side had become an atheist and a soldier and shared a bunch of his military rations with us cousins.

A Mennonite family reunion where an atheist and soldier is more welcome than a lesbian Christian. My non-Mennonite readers probably can’t appreciate this, but I have been doing a lot of genealogy research lately and most of my ancestors, going back to the 1500s-1600s have been so anti-war that they would die, go to prison, or pay enormous fines rather than engage in war. Part of their Christian stance (and mine too) is that Jesus Christ really meant it when he said that our enemies are not flesh and blood, but spiritual. We took the “turn the cheek” statement literally (and metaphorically), and we have committed ourselves to a path of peace above concerns of personal freedom or safety.

All this to say, I’m not sure that my ancestors would have found a lesbian Christian as bad as an atheist soldier. I don’t want to promote discrimination against soldiers or atheists. (I feel like those homophobic evangelicals, but I do have friends that are soldiers, and friends that are atheists). I don’t judge people for following their conscience when it differs from mine. However, I do have judgmental feelings towards my relatives who clearly violate their own supposed standards and also the historic faith which they claim. Those feelings are not right because I have no right to judge them, but the feelings remain, and so does the anger. At least I have the good news of my sister’s support to relieve the anger. I pray that my family and I will find a way to do more than coexist, but to thrive in spite of our disagreements.

Thanks for reading- Cbus Queer