“Where there is hatred, let me sow love…”

Posted on October 17, 2011

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Work was interesting today. A co-worker had approached me a few days ago about buying cookies for her son’s school fundraiser. I thought back to my days as a band geek, trying to sell junk, and I said I’d get some. Today I was writing her the check and she commented on my hand writing, saying that it looked really good- like a girl’s handwriting.

One thing that I fondly remember about my paternal grandfather was how everyone siad that his handwriting was so beautiful, andI like to think that it was something we shared (though his was much better than mine). Anyways, I told my co-worker that I had tried to learnt o “write like a girl” cause I thought it was good, and blah blah blah. Then she makes this comment, “Oh, people in my school always thought that guys with girl’s handwriting were gay.” And I was like, “Yeah, I guess I wouldn’t know.” (Wouldn’t know it the others were gay, anyway).

Such a great time to come out, but I have already decided that work is not a good place to be out. There are no protections for me in Ohio. There might be some in Columbus, since we’re a pretty gay-friendly city, but I don’t know for sure. Anyways, I was sad, because it reminded me how my co-workers think I’m a nice Christian guy, but I want to know the real me, the gay Christian guy.

Much later one, during closing, my middle-eastern, Muslim friend talked about a transgender MTF person that he had run into that night. He was talking at first about how she looked so beautiful or something, but then said she was really disgusting, and I really wanted to say something, but I didn’t know how. He is usually a really nice guy, but I think that there are some things that his religion and raising won’t allow him to accept. I didn’t really know how to difuse the situation, so I said nothing.

That was wrong. I should have defended her, I should have tried to show him the God created everyone, and that he should respect everyone’s right to be who they are. He saw transgenderism as another part of corrupt American culture. I know he likes and respects me right now, and I hope that if someday I do come out, it will change the way he views LGBT people. I think that the more of us that come out, the more friends and family will be challenged in their homophobia and transphobia. We are changing the culture people! Respect for us is growing, and we just need to hang in there!

The Prayer of St. Franciss of Assisi

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love.
Where there is injury, pardon.
Where there is doubt, faith.
Where there is darkness, light.
Where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive.
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.
Amen.

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Posted in: Theology