National Coming Out Day

Posted on October 12, 2011

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Yesterday, October 11th, National Coming Out Day wasn’t that spectacular for me. I slept through most of it, and went to my night class. I did wear my Stonewall Columbus Pride 2011 bracelet around, but only announced it to my housemats who already know I’m gay, and didn’t acually come out to anyone. I was kinda hoping somebody at class would mention it. I think a few people saw it, but no one said anything. I guess I wasn’t blatant enough.

I thought about changing my Facebook interest to “interested in men,” but I feel like my friends and family back home deserve a face-to-face explanation. My dad’s family always gets together for Thanksgiving, so I’m planning on coming out then. My parents think it’s a terrible idea, and equate it with telling them I’ve been watching pornography.

Before you judge my parents, you should know that unfortunately that is how they found out I was gay. I’m not proud of it, and now that I’ve come to terms with my homosexuality I wish that I could have told them on my own. However, that may have resulted in traumatic ex-gay therapy which I am grateful to have skipped (I had enough suicidal thoughts without it).

Anyways, I’m still in the closet at work, on facebook, and back home/with many of my old school friends. But hopefully not for much longer. I feel like it’s likely that I’m shutting out most of the people in life that I care about, and that sucks, but would it be better to live a lie with all of them, and to never experience life/love for myself? I am an ENFJ and I tend to put a lot of emphasis on what other people want. I tend to defer to others, but I have recently found myself caring about who I am. I’m 25 and I feel like there is so much I don’t know about myself.

God, help me be kind and tender towards my family. Help me to be courageous and truthful with them, and give me humility to bring peace between us. Give us understanding, so that we can have meaningful dialog about all of this. Amen!

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